Category: Emotional Intelligence

Executive Presence, Part 5

The fifth skill/behavior of executive presence is Emotional Intelligence.  Emotional intelligence, the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions and intuit the emotions of others, is a crucial component of executive presence. Like Goldilocks testing the temperature of porridge, a “just right” level of emotional intelligence contributes to strong leadership. I have written about emotional intelligence at length in other posts and podcast episodes and recommend going back to review some of that information. Essentially, it means to be self-aware, able to self-manage one’s emotions, socially aware of the emotions of others, and able to manage relationships effectively. These are all learnable skills. I recommend taking the online course “Emotional Intelligence for Leaders.”

Emotional intelligence is crucial for leaders who want to display executive presence. Leaders with emotional intelligence manage their emotions more effectively and empathize better with their team members. This helps them establish strong connections with their team and build trust.

Additionally, emotionally intelligent leaders communicate more effectively with their team members, which is vital for creating a positive work environment. Leaders with EQ also inspire their team members to be more productive and engaged in their work by displaying empathy. In short, emotional intelligence is a key factor in developing executive presence, and leaders who possess it are more likely to succeed.

The ideal is to strike a balance and have just the right amount of emotional intelligence. That balance allows leaders to be aware of emotions without being overwhelmed by them. They can regulate their own feelings yet make tough calls when needed. They pick up on emotional cues to intuitively understand what motivates others without letting excessive empathy cloud their judgment. This “just right” application of emotional intelligence, neither too much nor too little, enables leaders to exude executive presence. They build trust, unite teams, and lead with confidence, poise, and compassion. Like the porridge that was just right for Goldilocks, the appropriate degree of emotional intelligence is a big part what makes someone an outstanding leader.

Too little: What happens when there is too little emotional intelligence

·  Poor self-awareness: Leaders with limited self-awareness often lack insight into how their behaviors and emotional patterns affect their leadership style, decision-making, and relationships. Their poor self-awareness is obvious to those around them but not to themselves. This reminds me of the box in the Johari window that describes attributes that others know about us that we don’t know about ourselves. Not the place you want to be.

·  Poor ability to regulate emotions:  An inability to manage one’s emotional reactions results in moodiness, outbursts, and an over-reliance on impulse rather than reason in high-pressure situations. Leaders who cannot regulate their emotions often have angry or frustrated outbursts. They struggle to stay poised under pressure.

·  Negative impact on team: Low emotional intelligence diminishes a leader’s ability to motivate, connect with, and gain the trust of team members, stifling morale, collaboration, and performance.

·  Lack of empathy: When leaders cannot intuit how others feel, they often fail to address team members’ concerns, needs, and challenges. This undermines their ability to support and develop their people. With little insight into how their moods affect others, they may actually demotivate their teams.

·  Unhealthy relationships: Struggling to grasp others’ emotional landscapes prevents leaders from forming authentic bonds, building trust, and earning respect from colleagues, subordinates, and stakeholders.

·  Undermines other skills/behaviors of executive presence. Having too little emotional intelligence undermines confidence, authenticity, and gravitas, all necessary skills/behaviors of executive presence.

 

Too Much: When someone seems to have too much emotional intelligence.

·  Obsessive self-awareness: Excessive rumination about one’s own emotional state can become self-indulgent navel-gazing that prevents decisive action. Leaders who are hyper-focused on the emotional states of themselves and others may come across as oversensitive or melodramatic.

·  Tight check on emotions: An overly rigid suppression of natural emotional reactions can come across as robotic, fake, or aloof to others. Think Spook on Star Trek and you can understand.

·  Negative impact on team: Teams may feel micromanaged and lacking autonomy if a leader tries to be overly attentive to individual emotions versus focusing on team goals and priorities. They may be so intent on feelings that they lose sight of necessary tasks and decisions.

·  Extreme empathy: Excessive empathy can prevent a leader from being able to make tough calls, deliver constructive feedback, and address underperformance. Their extreme empathy may prevent them from giving honest feedback or addressing poor performance.

·  Impact on relationships: High emotional intelligence without boundaries can lead to inappropriate enmeshment, loss of objectivity, and emotional exhaustion in a leader’s relationships.

·  Undermines other skills/behaviors of executive presence. While emotional intelligence is crucial, leaders with too much of it can appear to lack gravitas and authority.

 

In the right measure, emotional intelligence contributes significantly to a leader’s executive presence. Too much or too little negatively impacts the ability to lead effectively. The Goldilocks model shows that the just right level of emotional intelligence allows one to leverage emotions for strong, authentic, and inspirational leadership.

CHATGPT was used in writing this article.

Executive Presence, Part 3

In this post I will be discussing the 3rd skill/behavior of executive presence: Authenticity. In part one of this series, I set the stage for understanding the importance of acquiring executive presence and described the first of those eight skills/behaviors, along with what that skill looks like when it is too little represented or too much. The first skill/behavior is Confidence. In part two I will discuss the next skill/behavior: Communication skills, using the same Goldilocks model: just right, too little, too much. As we dive into Authenticity, I really hope you will take the information to heart as you seek executive presence.

 Authenticity: Authenticity is a crucial element of executive presence, as it helps to establish trust and credibility. When leaders are genuine and true to themselves, they are more approachable, relatable, and trustworthy. This, in turn, allows them to connect with their team members and stakeholders on a deeper level, leading to better collaboration, communication, and results. Additionally, authenticity helps to foster a culture of openness and transparency, where everyone feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and ideas without fear of judgment or reprisal. As a result, authentic leaders are more likely to inspire and motivate their team members and earn their respect and loyalty.

Being authentic means being true to yourself and your values. It involves being honest and genuine in your interactions with others and staying true to your beliefs and principles, even in difficult situations. All of this means that true authenticity is built upon being self-aware enough to know one’s core values and principles. It is pretty obvious that Integrity is a core component of Authenticity. Probably the most desired trait of any leader is that they are authentic and display integrity in every part of their lives. Their character is true and borne out in their words and actions. Authenticity is one of the most important of the skills/behaviors contributing to executive presence. Let me say this before sharing the too little and too much aspects of Authenticity – it is going to be VERY easy to call to mind different celebrities or political figures with almost every point. While that might be fun, the real focus needs to be on you and whether or not you fit that description.

 Too Little: When an individual isn’t authentic, people notice. When lies, half-truths, and shady dealings are the norm, trust erodes, undermining credibility. Lacking authenticity can manifest in various ways, and it’s important to note that people may exhibit these signs for different reasons. Here are some common signs that an individual might lack authenticity:

A.     Inconsistent Behavior: Acting differently in different situations or with different people can indicate a lack of genuine expression of one’s true self.

B.     Exaggeration or Fabrication: Making up stories, achievements, or experiences to impress others or fit in rather than being honest about their true experiences.

C.     Overemphasis on Approval: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others can lead to behaving in ways that don’t align with their true beliefs or values.

D.      Avoiding Disagreement: Always agreeing with others and avoiding conflicts or disagreements, even when they have differing opinions.

E.     Changing Values: Frequently changing their values, beliefs, or opinions to fit in with different groups or to gain acceptance.

F.        Defensiveness: Reacting defensively when their authenticity is questioned might indicate a lack of self-awareness or insecurity about their true self.

G.   Inability to Apologize: Avoiding taking responsibility for their mistakes or wrongdoings, which can indicate a fear of showing vulnerability.

H.     Constant Comparison: Always comparing themselves to others and feeling inadequate if they don’t measure up, leading to a lack of self-acceptance.

Too Much: My first thought was that one couldn’t be too authentic, however, it is possible for certain behaviors or expressions of authenticity to become excessive or problematic in certain contexts. I think as you read through the list below you will recognize “that” person who may have taken authenticity to the extreme.

A.     Inappropriate Self-Disclosure: Sharing intensely personal or sensitive information inappropriately or with people who might not be prepared to handle it. This can make others uncomfortable and damage relationships. It also demonstrates poor judgment, which undermines executive presence.

B.     Disregard for Social Norms: While authenticity can involve breaking away from societal norms, extreme disregard for social norms without considering the consequences could lead to isolation or difficulty functioning in certain environments. For instance, one might accept stealing as a core value and thus act with authenticity when committing theft, but because stealing is outside of social norms, those practicing that value will find their authenticity questioned and their executive presence damaged.

C.     Excessive Bluntness: While honesty is important, being overly blunt or harsh in communicating one’s opinions can come across as insensitive and hinder effective communication.

D.      Constant Self-Focus: Being overly self-centered and always putting one’s own needs and desires first can strain relationships and make collaborating difficult. This is the “it’s all about me” mentality of the self-absorbed.

E.     Tactlessness: While authenticity can involve sharing one’s thoughts and feelings, it’s important to consider the impact of one’s words on others and exercise tact when communicating. The words we choose to use make a difference. Some words are loaded with connotations insured to offend. Even when being authentic it is possible to carefully choose ways to say something without disrespecting the person as created equally in the image of God.

F.     Emotional Exhaustion: Constantly expressing intense emotions without any filter can be emotionally draining for both the individual and those around them.

 It’s important to strike a balance between authenticity and social awareness. Authenticity should be tempered with empathy, self-awareness, and an understanding of the context and the people involved. Adjusting one’s behavior and communication style based on the situation doesn’t necessarily mean compromising authenticity; it demonstrates emotional intelligence and adaptability. Developing authenticity often requires self-reflection, self-acceptance, and the willingness to embrace one’s true self, even if it means facing discomfort or challenges. One thing is for certain, the individual displaying executive presence depends upon personal authenticity to maintain that presence.

Chat GPT was used in composing this article.

Confrontation Without Purpose = EGO

So, I was talking with a friend, who was basically lied to by his boss about why a certain component of his salary package could not be offered, only to find out it had been offered to the previous person to hold the same position. He was understandably upset. Because the boss was out of town for a couple of days he couldn’t storm into his office to confront him as he wanted to do. To say he was FRUSTRATED would be an understatement.

I asked him what he wanted as a result of the confrontation. He said that he wanted the boss to promise to be truthful in the future. I shared with him the story of the scorpion and the frog and suggested that a promise from a scorpion is worth exactly nothing if it runs contrary to the nature of the scorpion. So, now what do you want from the confrontation; an apology? an increase in your salary package? what. 

The bottom line is that confrontation without a clear purpose is usually a matter of salving the ego as much as it is about justice. And if it is about ego, then one has to examine one’s motive for the work. If your motive is because this is your calling – then confrontation only has value as it secures justice, not just to make you feel like you stood up for yourself. This is not a philosophy for the individual with insecurity issues. Can you rise above your own ego to pursue the best path for the organization? Yet, even in calling there is a line where one cannot turn away from situations which require a stand to be made. How one makes that stand, however, IS within your power and many do not take into account the power of their words, nor the long term effect of a hastily spoken word. Judgment as to another’s motives is always risky at best, and often puts you in the position of the pot calling the kettle black. Thank you very much Mr. Pot. You are welcome, Mr. Kettle. 

However, if your motive for being at the organization is NOT a calling but merely a step toward a personal goal, confrontation may be of greater necessity, yet again, the choice of the wording is crucial to a satisfactory resolution. It seems that some people have an uncanny knack of selecting words which cause others to respond with anger and a desire to hurt back. 

Coming back to the issue cited at the beginning of this post. Integrity in leadership cannot be overstated. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and let what you say be the truth.